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Twilight Gay 04: I wanna have his vampire death baby

Twilight Gay is back, and he's back with a bang! Want to talk gorgeous guys? Let's talk gorgeous guys. :)

As with previous installments, this column uses adult language and themes, and is not recommended for younger readers, or older readers who are too sensitive. :p

Read the rest of this post"I wanna have his vampire death baby."
by: Ronald a.k.a. Twilight Gay

I know, I know, I pulled a New Moon!Edward on all of you lovely people. I bitch about how you guys have taken the Takipsilim fiasco WAY too seriously and then fly off to parts unknown, only dropping by to leave a podcast or a comment or two.

That was in the past. Let's just say that I was in my own personal Volterra about ready to commit my own version of suicide via public sparkling, but now I've moved on and I'm ready to regale all of you with my thoughts on Twilight.

And let me just say, the shirtless boys in New Moon really quickened up the process.

If the straight boys had Megan Fox to ogle this past month, us gays and gals have not one, but half a dozen shirtless specimens to choose from. Say what you will about the quality of the film, but at least it's empowering in the way that it allows us to objectify the menfolk.

Whether you like your manflesh hot or cold, New Moon has something to offer you.

It goes without saying that Pretty Boy Pattinson and Lolita Lautner take up the top spots. Both clock in shirtless scenes in this movie, and had to bulk up as well -- one doing it more successfully than the other. LL Cool Jailbait was even kind enough to let us look at the goods.

But of course there are also the other unsung shirtless heroes that make up this literal manbar of a movie, and none has made more noise than young master Meraz.

So what if he's married to a girl who seems to be as flexible as he is? There's no denying the fact that he's got abs you could spread peanut butter on and eat for breakfast. The fact that his character is kind of a douchebag only adds to the appeal. We all like bad boys, bad boys with abs even more so.

The rest of the wolf pack ain't bad either. My personal favorite is Kiowa Gordon, mostly because in this picture he looks like the kind of kid you buy your marijuana from. And the fact that he's named after a rice dispenser will provide me HOURS of fun.

But the newest addition to the cast that I'm most interested in, my own personal freesia-scentred brand of heroin, is Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays Caius. For future reference, I have a weakness for blond British boys in bands. With tattoos. JCB is blond, British, he's most definitely a boy, and he's in a band. If I find out he has tattoos I will grow a uterus and have him impregnate me.

This video just sealed the deal. His face is too long, in profile he looks kinda creepy, and he seems to want to take off his shirt in front of the interviewer, but it all works for me.

And he's witty (especially on Twitter), charming, and oh my Caius why is he not in me right now?

I'll be your franchise whore, Jamie Campbell Bower. Or just your whore. Whatever floats your boat.

8 comments:

  1. steeen said...
     

    Ronald, the twilight gay....you're back. wooohoo. i wondered why you haven't written since the last post and now we know you were on your own volterra. :) my favorite wolf boy is kiowa too. that makes two of us. though not because he looks like someone you can get your mj's from. haha

  2. Clair de Lune said...
     

    Kiowa Gordon din ang fave ko. Hehe.

  3. k said...
     

    Twilight Gay, if you're reading this, JCB is mine! LOL

  4. Rome said...
     

    RONALD!!! I don't know where to begin but allow me to say... WELCOME BACK!!!

    Best bits for me are Lolita Lautner/LL Cool Jailbait, hours of rice dispenser fun, and yes, JCB. While I think you will be able to find it ahead of me, I'll let you know if he has a tattoo and look for an UHQ photo of it for your viewing pleasure. XD

    BRAVO for the splendid, always witty post! I missed thee so hope to read more. =)

  5. twilightangel2026 said...
     

    ronald is back in the house! love this post and good thing i was not standing nor was i eating when i read your article (i was forewarned lol)i was laughing so hard. you never fail to amaze and amuse us with your delish sense of humor. applause applause! so....when's the next post?

    (thanks rome for the 12am call, w/o that i won't have LA for breakfast and this delightful, lip smacking lunch treat)

  6. anna said...
     

    twilight gay is the best.. xD

  7. SyliaMariaDeIre said...
     

    Welcome back to Twi-verse, Ronald! I love the 4th installment and indeed you gave me a good laugh. Very witty descriptions about the boys and I have to say I love JCB too. :P But seriously, I can't choose between Alex Meraz and Jamie Campbell-Bower.

    Congrats to another awesome Twilight Gay article and again, WELCOME BACK! :)

  8. Melissa said...
     

    Ah, Twilight Gay, it's always a pleasure to read your thoughts. Kudos to the newest post, and let me join in on the Kiowa lovefest. :)

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