Twilight Gay 05: The obligatory Harry Potter/Twilight comparison post
Twilight Gay is on a roll, and he had the TCP Admins rolling on the floor laughing once again. All 4 of us are Harry Potter fans too, so this one was a winner. :)
As with previous installments, this column uses adult language and themes, and is not recommended for younger readers, or older readers who are too sensitive. :p
Read the rest of this post"The obligatory Harry Potter/Twilight comparison post"
by: Ronald a.k.a. Twilight Gay
We all know that in an indirect way the "Harry Potter" and "Twilight" franchises are each others incestuous lovers. After all, Bobby Sparkleskin graduated from playing a dead guy in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" to playing a (sparkly, sparkly) dead guy in "Twilight". When Warner Bros. decided to screen "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" to July, it was "Twilight" that stepped up to take the vacated November release date. And as some of the lovely TCP administrators know, the fans certainly overlap.
I am one of those fans.
As much as you guys know me as the Twilight Gay, I was first and foremost a Hogwarts Gay. I was as hesitant to enter the Potter fandom as I was to enter the Twilight fandom: I only ended up reading "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" because I wanted to make fun of my brother for reading a children's book, and ended up finishing it in a few hours. And you guys know how I got into THIS fandom.
* * * * *
While I find both fandoms rewarding in their own way, it has to be said that the Potter fandom is a better place for a boy who likes other boys. There are as many people shipping Harry/Draco and Harry/Ron as there are shippers of Harry/Ginny and Harry/Hermione.
Hogwarts even has a beloved dead gay headmaster! The guy rumored to be playing the young Dumblegay definitely isn't hard on the eyes, and the fact that my future husband plays his first -- and last -- gay love is just a hot, hot, hot bonus.
Even the fandom has been more than receptive to the love that dare not speak its name. Fans (female ones, even!) have no qualms in using gay porn stars (long story you'd have to ask me in person) as Harry/Draco stand-ins, and it even has its own excellently written gay epic in The Shoebox Project.
In contrast, Twilight has been quite the bastion of heterosexuality. As much as I joked about Edward having one foot in the closet and another in the coffin in Danag Episode 15, there are no instances in the canon that can fully support any male/male or female/female pairing. The closest thing to a male/male pairing is James and Laurent, and we all know what happened to those two possibly gay vampires.
How about Edward and Jacob? They don't even like each other's smells. How can you expect them to engage in buttsex? Besides, Pedo!wolf is being an actual pedo with Edward and Bella's Vampire Death Baby.
* * * * *
Even their big screen adaptations reflect their openness to a little sodomy on the sidelines.
Surely I wasn't the only one who thought that the Quidditch tryout was littered with metaphorical wizard penises (Cormac had the longest and thickest one, by the way) and that a strong undercurrent of seduction was present in the scenes involving teenage Tom Riddle, Harry, and Professor Slughorn.
While I appreciate the presence of Sparklepants, LL Cool Jailbait, and Cam Giganshirtless in "Twilight", and the appearance of shirtless wolves in addition to my lovely franchise whore in "New Moon", shirtless hunks do not a gay friendly movie make. Gays will be watching, for sure, but that's another matter entirely.
Is there something fundamentally different about the Potterheads that makes them more gay-friendly than the Twihards? I know all of you lovely people have no problem with my gay, but what about the greater Twihard population?
I guess what I want to happen is this: Prove me wrong, guys. Show me that epic Edward/Jacob -- or any same sex pairing, for that matter -- fanfic that's actually well-written. Point me to the canonical evidence that offers even just a sliver of hope to this slasher's heart. Put your (sparkly) tinhats on and prove me wrong.
As with previous installments, this column uses adult language and themes, and is not recommended for younger readers, or older readers who are too sensitive. :p
Read the rest of this post"The obligatory Harry Potter/Twilight comparison post"
by: Ronald a.k.a. Twilight Gay
We all know that in an indirect way the "Harry Potter" and "Twilight" franchises are each others incestuous lovers. After all, Bobby Sparkleskin graduated from playing a dead guy in "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" to playing a (sparkly, sparkly) dead guy in "Twilight". When Warner Bros. decided to screen "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" to July, it was "Twilight" that stepped up to take the vacated November release date. And as some of the lovely TCP administrators know, the fans certainly overlap.
I am one of those fans.
As much as you guys know me as the Twilight Gay, I was first and foremost a Hogwarts Gay. I was as hesitant to enter the Potter fandom as I was to enter the Twilight fandom: I only ended up reading "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" because I wanted to make fun of my brother for reading a children's book, and ended up finishing it in a few hours. And you guys know how I got into THIS fandom.
* * * * *
While I find both fandoms rewarding in their own way, it has to be said that the Potter fandom is a better place for a boy who likes other boys. There are as many people shipping Harry/Draco and Harry/Ron as there are shippers of Harry/Ginny and Harry/Hermione.
Hogwarts even has a beloved dead gay headmaster! The guy rumored to be playing the young Dumblegay definitely isn't hard on the eyes, and the fact that my future husband plays his first -- and last -- gay love is just a hot, hot, hot bonus.
Even the fandom has been more than receptive to the love that dare not speak its name. Fans (female ones, even!) have no qualms in using gay porn stars (long story you'd have to ask me in person) as Harry/Draco stand-ins, and it even has its own excellently written gay epic in The Shoebox Project.
In contrast, Twilight has been quite the bastion of heterosexuality. As much as I joked about Edward having one foot in the closet and another in the coffin in Danag Episode 15, there are no instances in the canon that can fully support any male/male or female/female pairing. The closest thing to a male/male pairing is James and Laurent, and we all know what happened to those two possibly gay vampires.
How about Edward and Jacob? They don't even like each other's smells. How can you expect them to engage in buttsex? Besides, Pedo!wolf is being an actual pedo with Edward and Bella's Vampire Death Baby.
* * * * *
Even their big screen adaptations reflect their openness to a little sodomy on the sidelines.
Surely I wasn't the only one who thought that the Quidditch tryout was littered with metaphorical wizard penises (Cormac had the longest and thickest one, by the way) and that a strong undercurrent of seduction was present in the scenes involving teenage Tom Riddle, Harry, and Professor Slughorn.
While I appreciate the presence of Sparklepants, LL Cool Jailbait, and Cam Giganshirtless in "Twilight", and the appearance of shirtless wolves in addition to my lovely franchise whore in "New Moon", shirtless hunks do not a gay friendly movie make. Gays will be watching, for sure, but that's another matter entirely.
Is there something fundamentally different about the Potterheads that makes them more gay-friendly than the Twihards? I know all of you lovely people have no problem with my gay, but what about the greater Twihard population?
I guess what I want to happen is this: Prove me wrong, guys. Show me that epic Edward/Jacob -- or any same sex pairing, for that matter -- fanfic that's actually well-written. Point me to the canonical evidence that offers even just a sliver of hope to this slasher's heart. Put your (sparkly) tinhats on and prove me wrong.
"Surely I wasn't the only one who thought that the Quidditch tryout was littered with metaphorical wizard penises (Cormac had the longest and thickest one, by the way) and that a strong undercurrent of seduction was present in the scenes involving teenage Tom Riddle, Harry, and Professor Slughorn."
-Rolls while laughing hard. You're not the first gay who said that (re: Cormac's package). And I have to say that it's in our discussion the other day that Dumbledore is indeed gay. He's in love with Grindelwald... well, in referrence to Rowling's comments in 130 and 131 Pottercasts in Mugglenet (if I'm not mistaken).
And oh Ronald, I hope you know that JCB is playing Grindelwald in DH. In my mind, "no doubt that Dumbledore's in love with G." :P
Cheers for another mind-blowingly funny and witty TwiGay installment.
Wow... That is all I have to say; I'm too busy trying to keep from laughing my head off.